October 19, 2026Tamsin Grimmer
It is difficult to know if and how we should discuss death with young children. Should we try to shelter them from the situation by avoiding talking about it or should we talk about it in a manner which our young children will understand? Tamsin Grimmer shares some ideas of how to appropriately support children in thinking about death:
1.- Have an ethos of permission in your home so that words like ‘dead’ and ‘die’ are not banned from your vocabulary but instead prompt discussion.
2.- Answer any questions about the death as honestly as possible, remembering that it’s OK to say, “I don’t know!”
3.- Don’t worry if your child asks the same questions over and over again. They are trying to reassure themselves and we must answer consistently each time as this will offer the reassurance they are seeking.
4.- Don’t talk about death or the person who has died over children’s heads – instead include the child in the conversation.
5.- Do not avoid talking about your loved one or hide your own grief. Try to be honest about how you feel and why, e.g. “I am crying because I am sad. I am sad because Granddad has died and I won’t see him again. Can you give me a cuddle and perhaps we can talk about our favourite things we used to do with him.”
6.- Use playful interactions as a means of exploring death, for example, play at doctors and nurses or superheroes.
7.- Read stories and books which include death or deal with bereavement and grief, (e.g. The Memory Tree by B. Teckentrup, The Hare-shaped Hole by J & T Docherty, Waterbugs and Dragonflies by D. Stickney, The Invisible String, by P. Karst., Always and Forever by D. Gliori and A. Durant, and When I’m Gone by M. Mclaren and H. Wells).
8.- Storytelling – make up stories in which a character dies or undergoes changes., or provide opportunities for children to make up their own stories.
9.- Introduce children to the idea of life cycles, for example butterflies. You could even raise some tadpoles from frogspawn or butterflies from caterpillars.
10.- Think about changes over time in the natural world e.g. growth and decay.
11.- Share some memories about your loved one, perhaps light a candle, look at some photos and reminisce about the good times you shared together.
Tamsin Grimmer – Supporting children and staff with loss and bereavement